I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
