C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
