I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
