yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
