best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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