You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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