bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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