remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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