And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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