sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
