I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
