i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
