babies were throwing up all over the place
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
