I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
