i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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