we have pet lesbian snakes
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
