I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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