Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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