when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
