that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
