so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
