he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
