I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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