I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
