the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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