I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
