first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
