she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
