ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
