you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
