Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
