Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
