community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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