Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
