Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
