I think my vagina is haunted
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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