WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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