How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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