I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
