she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
