you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
