she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
