Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
