now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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