to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
