if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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