Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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