I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
