I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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