my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
