are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
