Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
